hey
Jean-Claude
non sono
tu persona
je nais parle par
tu idioma
sto nervosa
perche
FRANGLITALISH
Wednesday, February 26, 2020
Sunday, September 22, 2019
ciao amore
Yeah, that was weird. Just kinda moved to Italy for 3 months.
Guess we'll see how this turns out later. Cuz I don't have money anymore. I bought some plane tickets to go to Paris over fall break. And yeah. That's happening. And now all I'm thinking about is Paris. My mom's so jealous of me. She's wanted to go to Paris for forever. And she's only been to Canada. I'm making my way across Europe. Kinda. I'm only going to France. And I live in Italy. Maybe I'll go to Spain, but like, I don't really have money, so yeah. That's fun. :):):)
I'm gonna be so screwed when I get back cuz I will literally have no money and have to go back to living in my parent's basement. :):):) At least I still have a job. That's a start.
But Tuscan sunsets are really pretty so I'll post some pics.
There you go. Have a great life. Don't die without me. Cuz that would be sad. Love you all. Byeeeeeeee! ;)
Guess we'll see how this turns out later. Cuz I don't have money anymore. I bought some plane tickets to go to Paris over fall break. And yeah. That's happening. And now all I'm thinking about is Paris. My mom's so jealous of me. She's wanted to go to Paris for forever. And she's only been to Canada. I'm making my way across Europe. Kinda. I'm only going to France. And I live in Italy. Maybe I'll go to Spain, but like, I don't really have money, so yeah. That's fun. :):):)
I'm gonna be so screwed when I get back cuz I will literally have no money and have to go back to living in my parent's basement. :):):) At least I still have a job. That's a start.
But Tuscan sunsets are really pretty so I'll post some pics.
Thursday, March 21, 2019
22 days.
It's been 22 days.
22 days since my life turned to hell.
22 days since I left my backpack at the train station and it was stolen.
8 days.
8 days since I totaled that car.
4 days.
4 days since I had to show back up at school. To go to classes and work and not be able to go to bed until 2 in the morning because I have so much homework. Because I have a chronic illness that makes my brain hurt all the time. Because I have a stupid chronic illness that leaves me in pain all of the time. Because I lie awake feeling sorry for myself because I will end up in a wheelchair.
When will it get better?
I want to leave this hell behind.
I want
To fly on the wings of bird
Be liberated from my prison
Of a body
This life I know
Torturous pain
Sleepless nights
Working for a dream
Yet somehow
Falling
Falling short
Falling in fear
Falling in pain
Falling, falling
falling
Failing.
I want to rip it out
All of the hurt inside of me
Free myself from the pain
That so often works
Against me
I want to dance again
Dance as the prima
Dancing on the stage of life
Free
Free from my prison
Free from pain
Hunger
Want
Free to fly as the birds
Away
Away from the fiery pain
The misery
No right place left in the world
How no one knows my pain
The sorrow I feel
The torture I go through
Every day
22 days since my life turned to hell.
22 days since I left my backpack at the train station and it was stolen.
8 days.
8 days since I totaled that car.
4 days.
4 days since I had to show back up at school. To go to classes and work and not be able to go to bed until 2 in the morning because I have so much homework. Because I have a chronic illness that makes my brain hurt all the time. Because I have a stupid chronic illness that leaves me in pain all of the time. Because I lie awake feeling sorry for myself because I will end up in a wheelchair.
When will it get better?
I want to leave this hell behind.
I want
To fly on the wings of bird
Be liberated from my prison
Of a body
This life I know
Torturous pain
Sleepless nights
Working for a dream
Yet somehow
Falling
Falling short
Falling in fear
Falling in pain
Falling, falling
falling
Failing.
I want to rip it out
All of the hurt inside of me
Free myself from the pain
That so often works
Against me
I want to dance again
Dance as the prima
Dancing on the stage of life
Free
Free from my prison
Free from pain
Hunger
Want
Free to fly as the birds
Away
Away from the fiery pain
The misery
No right place left in the world
How no one knows my pain
The sorrow I feel
The torture I go through
Every day
Monday, December 17, 2018
Friday, October 26, 2018
Shootings at School
I currently am a student at the University of Utah. There was a shooting after hours on campus on Monday. As a result, classes were cancelled on Tuesday, and we all went back on Wednesday. I think that as a whole, the campus handled it well. We are all still a little bit scared, but there is not quite the atmosphere of fear I've felt before with shooting threats.
However, when I was coming home from school Wednesday, I heard someone bashing on the fact that we did not have classes the previous day. She was older, and said that they still had classes when the terrorist attacks happened on 9/11. My main problem with this was not actually that they might still need the campus to do police investigations, but the psychological toll that things like this take on the students, faculty, and staff of the college.
When I was a junior in High School, one of my best friends there died over Christmas break. We were all informed when we got back that she had died. I cried that day in class. But I didn't go to the psychologist when they offered, like everyone expected me to. I didn't call home and tell my mom to come get me. I didn't take any days off of school. And that was really hard on me.
I understand that everyone in college is extremely busy, and none of us can really afford to miss classes. Two of my classes that were cancelled on Tuesday are some of the busiest classes I have. Yet sometimes we need to take a break and have a day to get that fear and sadness out.
It's hard to go back to a school when you feel someone is missing. Classes become difficult to focus and participate in when there is no longer someone there that was supposed to be. Going back to a place where you saw your dead friend all of the time is extremely saddening. It has to happen, but not just hours after you figure out about the death.
I really wish that I had taken some time off, or at least gone to the psychologist when I figured out about my friends death. But I didn't. I just cried all of the time when I got home and tried to keep my head above water with all of my schoolwork and such.
This is a really sad event, and many students are affected by it, whether they knew Lauren or not. Traumatic events can trigger memories of other events and lead to a whole lot of suffering in the mind.
Please don't be afraid to get help like I was. And don't forget your friends who've made an impact on your lives. It's okay to take a brain day after events like this, even if your schedule is extremely busy.
Tragedy is hard, but you don't have to deal with it alone. So please....don't.
However, when I was coming home from school Wednesday, I heard someone bashing on the fact that we did not have classes the previous day. She was older, and said that they still had classes when the terrorist attacks happened on 9/11. My main problem with this was not actually that they might still need the campus to do police investigations, but the psychological toll that things like this take on the students, faculty, and staff of the college.
When I was a junior in High School, one of my best friends there died over Christmas break. We were all informed when we got back that she had died. I cried that day in class. But I didn't go to the psychologist when they offered, like everyone expected me to. I didn't call home and tell my mom to come get me. I didn't take any days off of school. And that was really hard on me.
I understand that everyone in college is extremely busy, and none of us can really afford to miss classes. Two of my classes that were cancelled on Tuesday are some of the busiest classes I have. Yet sometimes we need to take a break and have a day to get that fear and sadness out.
It's hard to go back to a school when you feel someone is missing. Classes become difficult to focus and participate in when there is no longer someone there that was supposed to be. Going back to a place where you saw your dead friend all of the time is extremely saddening. It has to happen, but not just hours after you figure out about the death.
I really wish that I had taken some time off, or at least gone to the psychologist when I figured out about my friends death. But I didn't. I just cried all of the time when I got home and tried to keep my head above water with all of my schoolwork and such.
This is a really sad event, and many students are affected by it, whether they knew Lauren or not. Traumatic events can trigger memories of other events and lead to a whole lot of suffering in the mind.
Please don't be afraid to get help like I was. And don't forget your friends who've made an impact on your lives. It's okay to take a brain day after events like this, even if your schedule is extremely busy.
Tragedy is hard, but you don't have to deal with it alone. So please....don't.
Thursday, January 18, 2018
Musical Theatre Songs
So once upon a time, I'm a musical theatre nerd. And yes, that's theatre with an R-E not E-R. Because why not. That's honestly how I've always spelled it.
So I want to talk about my favorite musical theatre songs of all time. Now these will be broken up into categories, because there are so many songs to chose from, it's hard to decide just one.
Duets:
#2. "In His Eyes" from Jekyll and Hyde: "Love is worth forgiving for." I get chills every time I listen to that song. Or sing it. Or think about it. The song is so sweet, and it's about love. And honestly, I don't know anyone who's not at least a little bit obsessed with the idea of love. I love how the message is about finding your love and feeling at home with them. It's something that I think most people want to be able to find in a relationship. It's also about forgiving your love, which I just think is the cutest thing ever.
#1. "You Love Who You Love" from Bonnie and Clyde: "Maybe that's what made you love him all along." Honestly, this song is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. Even though Bonnie and Blanche both fell for the criminals, they still love them and don't want them to change. They also say that they don't care what other people may think about their love, their love can last through anything. I love how their love can last a lifetime and they did not listen to what others thought of them. Although they weren't really doing good things with their lives, I still sure do love the song.
Girls:
#2. "I'm Not That Girl" from Wicked: "Don't dream too far//Don't loose sight of who you are." This song is just about the saddest thing ever, but it's still soooooo beautiful and relatable. That's why I love it in a nutshell.
#1. "That's What You Call A Dream" from Bonnie and Clyde: "Happy with the way things are." I just love how Blanche just wants a quiet life, even though it's not the one she chose. As I read in YouTube comments, someone said it's a "hauntingly beautiful" song.
Boys:
#2. "Bonnie" from Bonnie and Clyde: "They're the kind of dreams that keep you in your bed." Cutest freaking song ever! And also, Jeremy Jordan sings it, so HEAVEN!!! That's all I need to hear to be convinced it's the best.
#1. "Bring Him Home" from Les Miserables: "Let him live." Jean Valjean is finally realizing that Marius is a great person and is not trying to steal Cosette, he just wants to love her. And Valjean is such a good person and wants the best for his daughter.
Ensemble:
#2. "Ever After" from Into the Woods: "All is tenderness and laughter//For forever after!" It's a great ending, ya know, for the junior version, which I think is the best version anyway. And all's well that ends well.... :)
#1. "ABC Cafe/Red and Black" from Les Miserables: "It is better than an opera." I don't know why I love this song so much, but maybe it's all the freaking amazing male voices singing together for a cause worth dying for.
So I want to talk about my favorite musical theatre songs of all time. Now these will be broken up into categories, because there are so many songs to chose from, it's hard to decide just one.
Duets:
#2. "In His Eyes" from Jekyll and Hyde: "Love is worth forgiving for." I get chills every time I listen to that song. Or sing it. Or think about it. The song is so sweet, and it's about love. And honestly, I don't know anyone who's not at least a little bit obsessed with the idea of love. I love how the message is about finding your love and feeling at home with them. It's something that I think most people want to be able to find in a relationship. It's also about forgiving your love, which I just think is the cutest thing ever.
#1. "You Love Who You Love" from Bonnie and Clyde: "Maybe that's what made you love him all along." Honestly, this song is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. Even though Bonnie and Blanche both fell for the criminals, they still love them and don't want them to change. They also say that they don't care what other people may think about their love, their love can last through anything. I love how their love can last a lifetime and they did not listen to what others thought of them. Although they weren't really doing good things with their lives, I still sure do love the song.
Girls:
#2. "I'm Not That Girl" from Wicked: "Don't dream too far//Don't loose sight of who you are." This song is just about the saddest thing ever, but it's still soooooo beautiful and relatable. That's why I love it in a nutshell.
#1. "That's What You Call A Dream" from Bonnie and Clyde: "Happy with the way things are." I just love how Blanche just wants a quiet life, even though it's not the one she chose. As I read in YouTube comments, someone said it's a "hauntingly beautiful" song.
Boys:
#2. "Bonnie" from Bonnie and Clyde: "They're the kind of dreams that keep you in your bed." Cutest freaking song ever! And also, Jeremy Jordan sings it, so HEAVEN!!! That's all I need to hear to be convinced it's the best.
#1. "Bring Him Home" from Les Miserables: "Let him live." Jean Valjean is finally realizing that Marius is a great person and is not trying to steal Cosette, he just wants to love her. And Valjean is such a good person and wants the best for his daughter.
Ensemble:
#2. "Ever After" from Into the Woods: "All is tenderness and laughter//For forever after!" It's a great ending, ya know, for the junior version, which I think is the best version anyway. And all's well that ends well.... :)
#1. "ABC Cafe/Red and Black" from Les Miserables: "It is better than an opera." I don't know why I love this song so much, but maybe it's all the freaking amazing male voices singing together for a cause worth dying for.
Sunday, September 10, 2017
And...
Guess what guys...
I'm a songwriter.
And it's pretty fun....
That doesn't mean that I'm good at it or I can make great melodies or accompaniments, but it's all good.
I at least like what I do.
And recently, I found the sheet music for one of the first songs I ever wrote that's actually good. And it's a lot different than what I've actually been playing...which is kind of weird, but I guess that it makes sense, considering I wrote it about three years ago, I haven't played it all that much, and I haven't looked at the sheet music since I wrote it. Yay!
Also, yesterday I went to homecoming. It was so fun. Actually the dance wasn't all that great, but I had a great time with my friend William and the rest of my group.
We jumped around and took pictures and ate at a fancy restaurant and laughed and talked....And I had a blast. It was my first date, and I had lots of fun. William and I spent over 12 hours with each other. But it was great. And I don't think I could have asked for better.
Also I felt so pretty in my dress with my hair all done. It was great. Best date I've ever been on...(but I've only actually been on one date.)
The end...
I'm a songwriter.
And it's pretty fun....
That doesn't mean that I'm good at it or I can make great melodies or accompaniments, but it's all good.
I at least like what I do.
And recently, I found the sheet music for one of the first songs I ever wrote that's actually good. And it's a lot different than what I've actually been playing...which is kind of weird, but I guess that it makes sense, considering I wrote it about three years ago, I haven't played it all that much, and I haven't looked at the sheet music since I wrote it. Yay!
Also, yesterday I went to homecoming. It was so fun. Actually the dance wasn't all that great, but I had a great time with my friend William and the rest of my group.
We jumped around and took pictures and ate at a fancy restaurant and laughed and talked....And I had a blast. It was my first date, and I had lots of fun. William and I spent over 12 hours with each other. But it was great. And I don't think I could have asked for better.
Also I felt so pretty in my dress with my hair all done. It was great. Best date I've ever been on...(but I've only actually been on one date.)
The end...
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